Unforgiveness is a rascal, carrying serious consequences in our relationship with God and with others. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:14–15 (NLT), ‘If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.’ That should make us think twice and take unforgiveness more seriously.
Beyond our own need for forgiveness, unforgiveness can produce spiritual dryness, a blocked prayer life, or a diminished sense of connection with God, especially when we need Him most. It can even open the door to the demonic and reveal a graceless heart. Forgiveness, by contrast, is of God and reflects God’s heart.
As Peter preached in Acts 8:22–23 (NLT): ‘Repent of your wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps he will forgive your evil thoughts, for I can see that you are full of bitter jealousy and are held captive by sin.’ Unforgiveness makes us captives to sin, but forgiveness sets us free.
In her booklet, Forgiveness, June Hunt lists some consequences of unforgiveness that are important to note: “The unforgiving heart is judgmental – focusing on the past wrongs that the offender committed…merciless – rehearsing the reasons why the offender does not deserve mercy…resentful – begrudging the success of the offender…vengeful – rejoicing when the offender experiences failure, difficulty, or hurt…maligning – talking to others about the faults of the offender with the intent to hurt…prideful – elevating self above the offender, who is considered less deserving…profane – verbally abusive toward the offender…complaining – quick to quarrel over personal choices, words, and deeds…impatient – exhibiting little patience while being easily provoked…bitter – feeling weighed down with unresolved anger.
The unforgiving heart has condemnation – being intolerant of any present failures of the offender…contempt – looking down without mercy on the offender…envy – coveting the accomplishments of the offender…retaliation – desiring to get even with the offender…slander – sharing unnecessary negatives about the offender…haughtiness – acting with arrogance toward the offender…bitterness – harboring hostility toward the offender…annoyance – feeling easily irritated by the offender…negativity – feeling no joy and no approval concerning the offender” (pp.27-30). This list displays the serious characteristics of unforgiveness and demonstrates how it disrupts our relationship with God and others.