A Brand New Man: Freedom From Homosexuality and the Gay "Christian" Deception
I'm a new creation; I'm a brand new man. If you were to ask me who I was in the Fall of 1977, I would have told you "I am a husband, I am a factory representative, I am the owner of a collector's car..." Just 6 months later in the spring of 1978; if you would have asked me who I was, I would have told you, "I am divorced, I am changing jobs, I am dealing with my dad's death, I am struggling with my sexuality, I am a failure!"
I had been told all my life that I was a failure. I believed I wasn't much of a son, I wasn't much of a husband or lover. In short, I believed I wasn't much of a man. Confusion would be an understatement to describe my life at that point. I needed some answers. I discovered that alcohol could smooth out the rough edges. I decided to go back to the church I had attended while I was married. However, before I could say much, the pastor told me that there was no place for "the likes of me" in church. At the age of 12 I had known I was loved by God. But from this pastor's dialogue, I left that day feeling that there was no hope for me from the church or God. I knew this pastor didn't love me, and I believed that God didn't either. So booze became my friend and comforter. During this time, I continued to seek love and affirmation through sexual encounters with other men. This continued for over 2 years, until on St. Patrick's Day in 1980. I remember sitting on a bar stool getting drunk after being off the bottle for over 3 months. I couldn't help myself and I remember feeling double doomed. I was a drunk and I was "queer." That was the most lonely day I had ever lived.
For two more years I continued to drink and go from one sexual encounter to another seeking some sort of hope. Then on March 14, 1982, I put the cork in the bottle. I had a new identity. I was an alcoholic, yet I had also discovered God By going to a 12 step program for over 3 years, I began to get better and feel responsible. I had a job and some friends. But there was a void in my heart that just kept getting bigger and bigger until one time I gave in and went with another fellow from the 12 step program to a "church." My friend told me about this "church" where I would feel accepted and safe. The "church" was the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC).
I knew the men there at the MCC from the bars and parks so I only started feeling comfortable after several visits. After attending 4 or 5 times, something happened to me. I discovered a man who really loved me. His name was Jesus Christ and He knew all about me, and He still loved me. He didn't make fun of me, call me names, beat me, or want anything from me except to be my friend. I had a new identity. I was now a "Christian Gay."
Christ actually came to me in the MCC because I couldn't get to Him in my old church. I learned then that God and the church are not mutually inclusive. During this time, I really bought it all. I don't remember ever "choosing" to be gay. I did everything I could not to be gay, so by accepting the "lie" as truth, at least the guilt left. But as I grew in sobriety and as a Christian, I began to feel that old tugging at my spirit and soul again. I became even more active in church politics, even being elected to a church board position. I served as a licensed deacon and finally as a student clergy. I accepted my call into the ministry of Jesus Christ, but there was a major problem, I was a homosexual.
You see, others were like me. They were not able to return to their former home churches. They needed a place to feel wanted, affirmed, accepted and whole. I had even given communion to a gentlemen and his mother in a hospital where he was dying of AIDS. I did it because their church wouldn't, and I was doing this with a genuine love to help them to know Christ. Even in the midst of my own deception I have lead men to meet my best friend Jesus, because they weren't offered salvation in their own home churches.
God related to me in a vision from The Poseidon Adventure, there were two priests on board ship. When the ship turns over at sea, the older priest stays with the older group of people, while the younger priest took a small group of younger people to the top deck and escaped. God said, "that's you," I thought that He meant I was to be the older priest and go down with the ship. God really meant I would be like the younger priest, God said, "you are to lead them out!" Up until this point, I didn't know I could get out of the lifestyle! However, I kept feeling a sort of tugging in my soul, that this wasn't enough for me. Something was terribly wrong. Holiness (being separated into a right relationship with God) and homosexuality do not go hand and hand. As I hungered more for Jesus, I gave up more of myself and I received more of Jesus. I felt very uncomfortable in the old life, but I still didn't know I had a choice, until a friend felt led to leave me some pamphlets from this ministry, Restoration Outreach. I took one look at them and tossed them away. I was afraid of being let down again. At this time, I went into serious prayer and fasting. I asked God to give me something concrete to hang on to. I wanted a billboard. I remembered Restoration Outreach's phone number. I called and while I was prepared to have to wait a long time for an appointment, God flung open the doors! My whole life changed direction as I heard Wanda Harris say, "Isn't it wonderful you have a choice." And the door to my Exodus has remained open.
You see the real Church, gave me something the MCC can't give, A CHOICE. The real Church says, "Jesus Christ delivers." He is still in the delivery business! The real Church said, "I love you brother, you are in trouble. However, you do not have to stay there." The real body of Christ showed me that Jesus really does heal, and how to keep that healing. It was the love of Christ that compelled me. Christ's members showed me that I now have a new identity, and have taught me to become a new man. The man that GOD intended me to be! The new man Christ set me free to be. You, the real Church of Jesus Christ gave me a choice, hope, and freedom.
The steps out of homosexuality have not been easy or instant. It has been a process which has taught me that Abba Father is indeed my Father and my source. I have learned that God's Word is the standard, that my "lifestyle" must fit it, and not the other way around. I have been transformed by renewing my mind. I have been taught to dream again, and that those dreams can be a reality; change can occur if I want it and work at it using God's strength, power and His Word. Change has occurred and I have hope again!
My name is Chuck McConkey, I am a new creation, a brand new man. Today I live with my beautiful wife and two boys in the Tulsa area, where we minister to those in homosexuality, to God be all the GLORY!
Chuck McConkey is also a graduate of Rhema Bible College. Chuck and his wife Betty work with an Exodus International referral agency, Restoration By Grace, a ministry of Grace Fellowship located at 9610 S. Garnett Road, Broken Arrow, a suburb of Tulsa, Oklahoma. You can contact Chuck and Betty at 918-254-1175.